Parents, beware of Facebook, the anti-social network

Parents, beware of Facebook, the anti-social network - A teenager’s death at a party flagged online shows the danger of sites like Facebook

Family breakfast was a sober affair yesterday morning. We sat in silence, reading the horrific news story about Jay Whiston, the 17-year-old stabbed to death by gatecrashers at a house party that had been publicised on Facebook.

Crime scene: a teenage boy was stabbed to death after gatecrashers stormed a party that had been publicised on Facebook

We didn’t know Jay, an A-level student from Essex described as “kind and gentle”, whose loving parents were foster carers to many unhappy children. But his story struck a chord: we have two teenage boys, 17 and 19, who regularly attend parties they learn about on Facebook. Suddenly, the danger of a falsely familiar world, where “friends of friends” turn up at sedate gatherings with knives, was brought home to us.

Facebook, as Jay’s tragic killing reminds us, is not a virtual Postman Pat who delivers letters, parcels and bills. No, Facebook is like standing in the street, megaphone in hand, yelling your message to neighbours and passers-by. If it is a bit of gossip, be prepared for everyone to spread it. If it is an invitation, be prepared for a mob to turn up.

In other words, no one really can control the website, which can seem like a foreign land to parents who remain uninitiated to its rules. Mike Butcher, the Europe editor of the online publication TechCrunch and a new media expert, explains: “If you create an event page in Facebook, say for a party, you may think this is a private space, but information can spread far wider than you ever intended. There is no control.”

A public place without boundaries, where everyone is linked: good friends with total strangers, drug dealers connected to vulnerable loners, gangs to innocent school children. No wonder every parent I know is Facebook-wary. Indeed, the parents of Laura Guthercole, who hosted the party that ended so tragically for Jay Whiston, were also cautious and sensible. They stayed in their detached house to supervise proceedings, and Laura had sweetly handwritten notes to neighbours to apologise for any noise – but when 200 people turned up, events spiralled out of their control.

“Open house parties” were around when I was in high school – but our Bacchanalian gatherings, where teenagers indulged in dancing, snogging, drinking, smoking marijuana, raiding refrigerators and a lot of angst, were contained within the confines of about 100 kids. Today, Facebook has exploded that model, providing the perfect proof for the six degrees of separation theory: we are only six steps away, by way of introduction, from anyone on earth. It sounds cosily “inclusive”, the global village politicians keep telling us we live in. But do we really want these global villagers in our living room?

After all “a friend of a friend” is not necessarily a friend at all. The online post that asks, “Hi, can I come along to your party?”, accompanied by a smiling photo and a credible profile (good school, familiar-sounding friends, heart-warming hobbies) may sound innocuous, both to the Luddite parent who doesn’t know Facebook from Twitter, and to the unsuspecting youngster.

I know children who learn about “stranger danger” before they can fit two Lego pieces together; and parents in the playground who rush over when an unknown man draws too close to their little treasure. Yet alarm bells don’t go off when an approach is made, or an invitation posted, on a social networking site.

They should. Jay Whiston’s Facebook party experience was horrific, but it’s not isolated. A 23-year-old student fell to his death after a giant cocktail party, organised through the site, drew a crowd of over 20,000 in France two years ago. Earlier this year in Aberdeen, 15-year-old Amy Louise Manson posted an invitation to a party on Facebook. It drew gatecrashers who wrecked her family home, leaving holes in the walls and stains across the floors. Rebecca Javeleau, 14, from Hertfordshire, mistakenly made her address and phone number visible on Facebook while publicising her birthday party in 2010; she ended up with 21,000 people RSVPing yes. Unsurprisingly, the party was cancelled and the family had to call the police to surround the house and prevent chaos.

My friend Helen wasn’t so lucky. When she flew to Hong Kong on business, she was woken in the middle of the night by a phone call from her tearful nanny. Between sobs, she explained that her charges – Helen’s teenage sons – had thrown a party in Helen’s garden square, after advertising it on Facebook. Hundreds of youngsters, barely any of them known by Helen’s children, had turned up. Neighbours had called the police… and now were calling for my friend’s head on a platter.

Yet what is a parent to do? Facebook is part of our children’s world. Our boys are on it for hours every day. Like many parents, I worry that the site is not only dangerous, but that it is a distraction. However, banning it would be as pointless as banning smoking: in the same way the 19-year-old will climb out onto the roof and sneak a fag, a ban on Facebook will drive the addict to subterfuge.

Monitoring Facebook is equally tricky. Some children may “de-friend” tech-savvy parents, removing them from their online sphere. Others are more devious. I know of one father who thinks he is “on top” of what his daughters get up to, and boasts of their innocent after-school activities: it’s all pony club and Brownies. In fact, the girls have two Facebook pages – one that they dutifully write up for Daddy’s benefit, and one for their pals.

The only weapon we parents wield is information. Getting to know Facebook and Twitter has put us on our guard, and has demonstrated to our children that we are not cut off from their world.

We’ve learnt, for instance, that users can opt for a privacy setting, ranging from allowing posts to be read by everyone, to allowing access only to a highly customised group of proper “friends”. Facebook has had to make these security steps easier to manage after concerned parents complained.

We’ve learnt, too, to take Facebook seriously. The prospect of a soulmate at the click of a button may not convince many grown-ups, but that’s quite a turn on for a teenager. Many young people, tongue-tied and insecure, feel intoxicated by their ability to type a few words that will reach millions. They may not fit in at school, but through Facebook they belong to a huge circle of friends. At their age, I, too, would have loved it.

If I’ve learnt that I can’t control what my children get up to on Facebook, I know that I can set ground-rules for parties at home. When we go off later this week to a conference in France, our sons will be left in charge. In a sentence, boys: don’t even think about it. ( telegraph.co.uk )

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Why Kids Aren’t Exercising in Day Care

Why Kids Aren’t Exercising in Day Care - Kids want to play, so what's stopping day care centers from letting children be physically active?

More than one third of US children are now overweight or obese, and the reason for the burgeoning bulge isn’t surprising — they aren’t getting enough exercise. But some of the causes of their sedentary habits are more startling, and go beyond the emergence of computers and social media that keep youngsters indoors and relatively immobile.

About 75% of preschoolers in the US spend most of their days in child care centers, and they’re not moving around for 70% to 83% of their hours there; in fact, they’re only active about 2% to 3% of the time. Why? Given the growing problem of obesity among children, why aren’t day care facilities focused on getting kids moving?

Dr. Kristen Copeland, a pediatrician at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, and her colleagues have been conducting a series of focus group studies exploring just that. In previous studies in which parents, teachers and administrators were asked about daily day care activities, they identified familiar issues such as clothing, weather and parental concerns as barriers to getting kids outdoors to play.

In the current study, published in the journal Pediatrics, the team focused on societal factors that could make it difficult to maintain physical activity programs. After conducting nine focus groups with 49 child care providers in Cincinnati, Ohio, the team found three main societal barriers to exercise — concerns about the children injuring themselves while at play, financial constraints that limited some centers’ ability to purchase playground equipment, and a growing emphasis on academic learning over unstructured physical play time.

These factors are curtailing children’s natural desire to be active, says Copeland, and could be detrimental to youngsters’ health in the long term. “Children are naturally active — they love to play, and to play vigorously,” she says. “If given the time and place and freedom to run, they will do that. But children at this age are entirely dependent on caregivers for the opportunity to be active.”

Allowing children to be physically active from younger ages could help them to learn better and develop enhanced social skills as well. And rather than trying to convince sedentary older kids to start exercising, it might be more effective to establish exercise as a good habit at an early age. “Children develop mastery of gross motor skills — climbing, throwing and catching ball, skipping and learning to control their body — on their own at an early age, and these skills aren’t taught in school,” says Copeland. “And children who are most comfortable with these skills show more self confidence and have better peer relationships than children who don’t.”

But caregivers cited some very real constraints in letting children play vigorously. For one, worries about injuries led many to limit play time and the types of physical activity children enjoyed; some parents of children in the study specifically requested that their children not be allowed to use playground equipment for fear they would get hurt. Parents also pressured some teachers of preschoolers to focus more on academic learning — of letters, numbers, shapes and colors — over physical skills such as climbing or skipping. “The question is, are we doing more harm to prevent scrapes by keeping children sedentary and letting them potentially become obese?” says Copeland.

While the focus group study was designed only to tease out what factors might be contributing to children’s inactivity, the teachers and caregivers also acknowledged that active time did not need to come at the expense of learning. Playgrounds are rich sources of learning, and children can become familiar with numbers, nature and concepts such as weather, time and distance with games organized around running or other playground equipment. But appreciating that exercise, which is often perceived as play time, can be an important partner to learning may take some time. ( time.com )

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How to Manage a Career and a Baby

How to Manage a Career and a Baby - Thirty-five-year-old Ananya Kotian is an accomplished copywriter thriving in the lucrative advertising business, and an even more successful mother to her two young daughters. Interestingly, her life wasn't as rosy a few years ago when, newly shouldered with an additional responsibility of motherhood besides marriage, she had to give up her high-flying career to change nappies and sing lullabies. A decisive introspection, forthright communication with her family and a methodical negotiation at her workplace was all it took for her to find her feet back.

This is where organisations like Fleximoms, a service helpline that guides anxious-to-be-working mothers towards professional flexibility and optimum utilisation of skills, come into the picture. Anita V, co-founder of the ini tiative, says, "Today, companies are looking at different talent pools and women encompass a major section of that. It is often difficult for women to reorient themselves professionally after stepping into the threshold of motherhood."

You’re the best judge

Deliberating on your goals and negotiating with yourself about what you want to give up and what you want to keep is the first step in decisionmaking. Be clear on what you want out of life and weigh the pros and cons in detail. Twenty years on, you shouldn't wake up one fine day and lament, "Damn my career! I wish I'd had the time to fuss over my daughter's dolls..."


Start with an ideal, end with a deal

Once you are sure of what you can deliver qualitatively, it's time to make up your mind on how much time and energy you wish to devote to your workplace. It doesn't hurt to negotiate with the HR department on certain terms and conditions that you put forward. Make sure your demands are compatible with the company's objectives.


Don’t mix business and pleasure

No. They are not supposed to be getting on like a house on fire. You bring some pending files home or bawl about the woes of parenting to your superiors, and you have just landed yourself in a new complication. Really, your kid wouldn't like to see you furiously typing away at your computer while she is fuming over a face-off with her best friend.


Prioritise

You have to choose what's dearer to you - attending that dance programme your kid's been raving about or the crucial meeting your boss has scheduled. Don't try to be a perfectionist, you’ll end up muddling both.


Be organised

Nothing is more important that starting your day with a meticulous plan. A disorganised to-do list will wreak havoc in both worlds. Have your appointments in place and deadlines sorted out in a way that an unanticipated event would not upset in your schedule.


Childcare facilities

Many organisations are opening up to the idea of setting up crèches in offices for working mothers. Avail yourself of such conveniences. Don't be shy to take help from family or find a babysitter. The keywords for this search are dependability, experience and time. Do not feel guilty about letting another person take care of your little one. ( idiva.com )

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What’s your child doing online?

What’s your child doing online? - Haven't we heard many stories of kids getting into trouble because of their activities on the inter net.

There have been many cases where youngster have been stalked or become victim of identity thefts or even worse have their accounts hacked into. Parents often feel helpless as they can do little to monitor what their child in doing online. Often parents see internet as a good pastime, but they don't realise how much of an addiction can it prove to be for their child. You child probably feels that he/she can handle whatever happens online. However, few realise that information that's once shared on cyber space can never be taken back.

While your child may be good at handling and dealing with people in school or college, the same may not hold true for the cyber world. The fact that they aren't face-to-face with a person makes them a bit careless about the information that they are giving out not just about them, but also other family members. From sharing family photos to giving out their address and phone numbers kids tend to get into situations that they haven't dealt with before.

However, it's impractical to expect that you can keep you child away from the cyber world by banning him/her from logging on. There are always other means like the many cyber cafes sprinkled across the city that kids have access to. So the best thing to do is make your child aware of the trouble that he/she may get into, and ways to avoid any ugly situations. Here's a few pointers that will help your child have a great time in the cyber world.

Keep an eye: Try and get a bit tech-savvy yourself. There are options where you can check the history to get to know the websites that your child has surfed. Keep an eye on them.

Privacy issues: Tell you child that personal information should be kept personal. Things like your address, phone number or financial details like bank and credit card details should not be shared with anyone who asks for it online. Remind youngsters repeatedly that they may cause sever harm my giving out vital information in a bid to make friends with some guy/girl online.

Keep it short: Even if you do get friendly with someone one make sure that the topic of discussion is nothing that's very personal. Don't share things like your your user name. It could be dangerous for anyone to give away his/her name, gender, age, or hometown in their user name.

See what you post: See what you post: Kids need to be aware that the comments they make or the pics they post can be see by people who may not be on their friends list. So to avoid getting into ugly situations it's best to not post inappropriate photos or make nasty comments.

No 'Take Backs': Once information is posted online, even if it's later deleted or modified, the original will never be completely deleted. It would do your child good to remember this.
Don't talk to strangers: This is something you probably taught your child in school. it's time you repeat the same when they get online. Tell them to be careful before adding anyone to their chat list — people are not always who they say they are.

Online lies: Sometimes kids get so engrossed in the tales that other have to tell that they don't even realise the trouble they are getting into. Tell your kid about the dangers of flirting with strangers online. People can easily lie about their identity while they are online and it is impossible to verify their true identity.

Don't scold your kid: Tell your child if he/she feels threatened by someone or something online, he/she needs to tell a parent or another trusted adult who will know how to deal with the incident. ( indiatimes.com )

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Lindsay Lohan Facing Three Years in State Prison If Convicted in Jewelry Theft

Lindsay Lohan Facing Three Years in State Prison If Convicted in Jewelry Theft - Lindsay Lohan hit headlines (again) last week when she was accused of stealing a $2500 necklace from a Venice boutique, which she claimed she simply borrowed and her stylist forgot to return, but the matter is turning into something much bigger than a mere miscommunication.

Lohan will be charged with felony grand theft as early as next week, according to TMZ, and faces a maximum three years in a state prison if convicted.

Sept. 24: Lindsay Lohan arrives at a court hearing in Los Angeles after failing a court-mandated drug test.

Los Angeles Criminal Defense Attorney, Steve Cron, told us she may very well be prosecuted over the incident - although it is hardly likely she would be sentenced to a full three years.

"There is a likelihood. It seems to me that she got caught stealing that necklace and it appears that somebody talked her into returning it a week later and had someone drop it off but it was too little too late. She had already stolen it, so I think she will get prosecuted," Cron surmised. "It's unlikely that she is going to get 3 years in state prison because although she's screwed up repeatedly on probation, but she certainly can get a lot more time in county jail. Judge Fox could give her 6 months for violating probation in Beverly Hills and another judge who hears the case on grand theft could decide to send her for more time in county jail or he could send her to state prison. It's more likely that she is going to go to an extended period in county jail. It wouldn't be 30 or 60 days, it's going to be a substantially longer sentence than that."

However, Lohan's camp is maintaining that she is absolutely innocent.

"We vehemently deny these allegations and, if charges are filed, we will fight them in court, not in the press," Lohan's attorney Shawn Chapman Holley told TMZ in a statement.

Furthermore, sources close to the troubled star told us she still isn't upset by the hoopla and is used to being "taken advantage of" by people and companies for the sake of PR.

"This whole story is crazy. $2500 is tip money to Lindsay, if she wanted the necklace that badly she would have bought it," said our insider. "She's going to get to the bottom of this - it wasn't stolen." ( foxnews.com )

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What Water Temperatures Are Warm Enough for Swimming?

What Water Temperatures Are Warm Enough for Swimming? - Swimming in the water can be refreshing and relaxing in warm temperatures. Whether you choose to swim laps at your local pool or at the lake, swimming allows for a beneficial cardiovascular workout. You should take into account the water temperature before diving in. Normally, water should be around 80 degrees to swim safely cites Boy Scouts of America.

What Water Temperatures Are Warm Enough for Swimming?

Water Temperature

Some locations such as a home pool allow you to have more control over the temperature. This allows your preference to play a role when choosing the temperature that you swim in. Other locations such as a public pool maintain a certain temperature year round. No matter what the swimming location, some individuals may prefer cooler water and some prefer warmer. The best temperature for swimming ranges between 78 and 82 degrees Fahrenheit, according to the American Red Cross.


Hot Water

When swimming in hot water, there can be water quality issues, cites the American Red Cross. Water that is too warm may lead to stagnate; green murky water cites Boy Scouts of America. This can lead to insect infestations or diseases that are easily spreadable in such warm temperatures. For instance, the West Nile Virus is prevalent in such conditions.


Cold Water

Swimming in water that is colder than recommended may have negative side effects on your body. KidsHealth.org cites that cold water can cause your blood pressure and heart rate to rise. Furthermore, cold water may stiffen your muscles making it difficult to swim and maneuver your body, requiring you to be more careful in cold water. Last, if your body does receive a shock when entering cold water and you try scream, water may unexpectedly enter your mouth and cause you to choke cites KidsHealth.org.


Safety Precautions

You should practice safety precautions at all times, while swimming. One precaution you should take is test the depth of the water that you plan to swim in. If swimming in a pool, the depth is often labeled and can be referenced, cites KidsHealth.org. This precaution ensures that you do not dive in too shallow water. Furthermore, if you are playing in a pool, you should be careful around diving boards and edges to avoid cuts and scrapes. According to KidsHealth.org, it is always important to watch a child around water as drowning can happen within two minutes. ( livestrong.com )

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Single parent dating rules

Single parent dating rules - Dating as a single mother means being careful not to expose my son to too much, says Masanda

Dating is a complicated matter, and even worse when you have a child. As a single mother I’ve always told myself that my son will and should be protected from my dating scene.

Yes, I am an adult and should be doing whatever I want to do as an adult but being a mother to my son is most important. I would hate to raise up my son’s hopes by having a male figure around whom he might be attached to but find that the guy is not planning to be around for a long time. I want to protect my son from unnecessary false attachment that might leave him hurt and confused.

As single parents I think this is one area we need to tread carefully around. The father of the child might not be around and life goes on but you still need to respect your little ones and not expose them to different men or women causing further confusion in the process.

The man I will introduce to my son is the one I am sure of. Until I am sure that he into a serious relationship with me he has no chance of being around my son on a regular basis.

I am a mother to my son and would like him to respect me. Having him remember me as a mom who brought different men in the house is not one of the memories I would like him to have of me. As young as he is, his dignity and respect is an area I would not like to tamper with.

Another scenario in single parent dating is that of the man thinking that they are doing you a favour because you have child as if you are ‘out of the market’, no longer desirable in the dating scene. Not all single mothers are looking for father figures for their kids and the child has his own dad, whether active or inactive.

My son is number one

My son is my top priority, the most important man in my life, and I need to see to his needs first. I might not be able to honour a date at the spur of the moment since I might need to arrange a babysitter for that evening. Unfortunately some things might need to be planned way ahead of time – it’s my reality. Since I am a mother my time is important and do not make me feel guilty for attending to my little one’s needs first.

Playing open cards from the word go will help with the situation. Letting the potential partner know that you are a parent helps so the other party knows what they are getting themselves into. ( parent24.com )

Can you balance dating and parenting? What’s the secret?

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